Where My Demons Hide
by Anybody Can Do Anything
Summary: 'Light thinks it travels faster than anything but it is wrong. No matter how fast light travels, it finds the darkness has always got there first, and is waiting for it.' – Terry Pratchett. Set after the group's arrival at Alexandria. Daryl/OC.
1. Chapter 1

**Title: Where My Demons Hide  
Author: Anybody Can Do Anything  
Summary: 'Light thinks it travels faster than anything but it is wrong. No matter how fast light travels, it finds the darkness has always got there first, and is waiting for it.' – Terry Pratchett. Set after the group's arrival at Alexandria. Daryl/OC.  
Rating: Unsure at this point**

 **Chapter 1**

' _Lucy, honey? It's me.'_

' _Oh my god, are you OK? I've been trying to call for hours! Are you safe? I heard they evacuated Congress this afternoon...'_

' _We're OK sweetheart. We're all safe. Listen, we have to go back home and we want you to come with us.'_

' _I... are you sure it's safe to travel? Some of the reports we're getting... Can't you come to the base? At least you'll be safe.'_

' _Lucy, we have to go. There is no room for argument. If we wait to travel it will only get worse – now is safer than tomorrow. We can pick you up from your apartment in a couple of hours. I don't want to leave you here. I want you with me, with your family.'_

' _I can't just walk off the base, that's desertion. I –'_

 _A crash._

 _Then an explosion._

 _Then alarms and shouting._

' _Lucy? Lucy sweetie, answer me!'_

' _I'm OK, I'm OK.' Coughing, retching and gasping at the other end of the line 'There's been an explosion, I can't see any... oh my god!'_

 **xxx**

Heart racing, eyes wide. She sat bolt upright in bed, drenched in sweat, dry heaving as her olfactory nerve remembered the smell of burnt flesh. Covering her mouth with her hand and feeling lightheaded as the beginnings of hyperventilation assaulted her lungs, she pushed the covers off her legs and scrambled into Child's Pose, trying to concentrate on the feeling of the linen as it pressed against her forehead. She wasn't sure when she'd realised that the yoga helped with easing her nerves after the nightmare. They were getting less frequent now – only once or twice a night.

Once she felt her heart rate return to normal, she rolled on to her back with a sigh and stared up at the ceiling. A glance at the clock told her it wouldn't be light for at least another hour. She could hear her cousin snoring in the next room and wondered whether anyone else in the house was awake.

It was late in the summer and the heat had been unbearable for weeks. All of the houses were air conditioned, and she found the constant whir something of a comfort. Any kind of silence unnerved her now.

After half an hour, she gave in, confessing to herself that sleep would not find her again that night. Dangling her legs over the edge of the bed, she cast her eyes around the dark bedroom. Spying her running shoes flung under the armchair in the corner, she made a snap decision.

Stepping out into the balmy air, she hopped down from the porch and started a slow, thudding jog along the silent streets. She hadn't bothered with music. She just wanted to hear the sound of her feet on the road, the sound of her heartbeat in her ears.

She ran on the road parallel to the perimeter wall, circling the neighbourhood. The sun began to rise, syrupy light languidly flooding the streets in her wake. Eventually it became too hot for her to run any longer and she reluctantly started back toward the house, the terror and panic now replaced with exercise-induced calm. Every step took her further away from the nightmare. And as with all nightmares, it felt less real in the light.

Her uncle and cousin were drinking their morning coffee on the porch as she approached. She gave a wave and a breathless greeting. Aiden wrinkled his nose and reached out to wipe a single finger across her sweaty bicep.

"You look gross."

"At least I have to go running to look gross."

Aiden grinned "Did you use that new mix I gave you?"

Lucy shook her head "Not this time. I will tomorrow though."

"I didn't hear you go out this morning, Lucy." Uncle Reg looked at her with mild concern "Did you leave before it got light?"

"I was too hot to go back to sleep." Lucy claimed a chair and smiled as she saw her Aunt emerge from the house, two mugs in her hands. Deanna smiled back, proffering one of the mugs.

"I heard your voice."

"You mean you heard her elephant footsteps." Aiden nudged his cousin, trying hard to get a rise out of her "We heard you coming two streets away."

"Thank you." Lucy ignored Aiden and raised the mug in gratitude to her aunt before taking a sip.

"Is that tea?" Aiden wrinkled his nose "You're so English it's disgusting."

"Somebody woke up on the bitchy side of the bed this morning." They all turned as Spencer appeared on the porch, hair still tufted and eyes blinking in the bright light.

"I thought when you all grew up, you'd start being nicer to each other." Reg poured a cup of coffee and handed it to his other son who accepted it gratefully.

"What is everybody doing today?" Deanna stepped in to avoid a bickering match. Lucy thought her aunt looked tired. She was worrying about Aaron and Eric. They had been gone a little longer than normal.

"I'm going to spend a little bit more time setting up a counselling space. I want to start having sessions with Enid – she's still very closed off and I'm concerned that if we don't reach out to her now, things will only get worse. I was thinking about asking Denise to give me her thoughts," Lucy stretched her arms above her head "We could maybe come up with some trauma management strategies together."

"That sounds sensible." Reg smiled at his niece.

"Do you think Eric and Aaron will bring back more people?" Spencer turned to his mother, who sipped her coffee thoughtfully before shrugging with a sigh.

"I don't know, honey. I'm concerned that they've been gone a little longer than originally planned. I'd like you to go and prepare a couple of the houses just in case, though." Spencer nodded.

Aiden jumped in "I'll go over to the stores and see what we're running low on, maybe start planning a supply run with Nicholas."

"I really don't like the idea of just the two of you going out alone, Aiden..." Reg began gently, but with great weariness. This had been a bone of contention behind closed doors for the last few weeks, ever since Aiden and Nicholas had returned from a supply run having lost the other two members of the team to the infected. Lucy knew that Reg and Deanna were concerned about the fact that their youngest son had refused to discuss what had happened, instead disappearing out into the woods surrounding the perimeter with Nicholas for hours at a time. Lucy had made several attempts to debrief her cousin, but he had completely shut her out. It was the first and only thing he had refused to share with her since they had been permanent in each other's lives and it gave her more cause for unease than she wanted her aunt and uncle to see. It had not yet arisen in conversation between them, but Lucy knew that her aunt especially would be watching her for signs of professional concern.

"Dad, we're the only ones left around here who can make supply runs. We have no idea when Heath and the others will be getting back-" Aiden caught himself and Lucy knew it was because he had been about to say ' _if_ they come back at all'. Her cousin sighed "I just don't think it's a good idea to wait until supplies are too low, not if we might be getting more people."

The problem was, Lucy mused as she sipped her tea, both of them were right. It was unsafe for a team of just two to go out, but a steady reserve of supplies were required to ensure maintenance of the status quo. An idea had been brewing at the edge of her consciousness for a few days, but she wasn't sure how well it would go down.

"What about if I went with you?" She finally offered.

Aiden blanched, but covered his expression with one of concern "It gets kinda hairy out there, Luce."

Lucy levelled her gaze at him "I'm as well trained as you," she reasoned "The only reason I haven't been out in a while is because I've been busy debriefing and counselling new residents. And it's not just food we need – Jessie told me yesterday that Pete said we're running low on a few things in the infirmary. I was a volunteer EMT so I know what to look for."

"She's right Aiden," Deanna gently chided her son "And I'd feel better knowing there's a larger group of you."

Aiden knew better than to argue with his mother on this. Sighing, his mouth a thin line, he nodded reluctantly at his cousin "Alright. But I don't think it's a good idea. I can't protect you out there."

Lucy smiled sweetly "Maybe I'll be the one protecting you."

"Isn't there a rule about head doctors being delusional?" Aiden was trying to be jovial but Lucy knew he still wasn't happy. Her offer to join him and Nicholas on the supply run was more than just diplomacy; she wanted to make sure her cousin was safe to be operating outside of the perimeter walls, that his judgement hadn't been too clouded by the trauma of losing two comrades.

 **xxx**

The next day, Lucy went to the infirmary early in the morning to collect a finalised list of stock items required. She had put it off for as long as possible, even thinking about asking Olivia from the pantry if she would go with her. Pete made her uncomfortable and she did not like to be alone with him. He was the only resident besides Denise who had been to medical school, but had shrugged off Denise's offers of assistance in the infirmary when he found out she had changed her surgical residency to psychiatry. His wife and kids were sweet enough, but Lucy suspected he had a substance abuse problem and a short fuse to say the least. She had held private discussions with her aunt where she had made her concerns known, but Deanna's ruling had been that to exile Pete would risk the exit of Jessie and her children from the safe zone. Lucy had countered by arguing that by allowing him to stay, there was a considerable risk that someone else within Alexandria may take matters into their own hands. Jessie's bruises weren't obvious – Pete was too smart for that- but wide bracelets covering finger marks on wrists, long pants when shorts would be better in the oppressive heat... these were things that had caught Lucy's eye and it was only a matter of time before someone else noticed. And then what?

At any rate, Jessie had been with Olivia when Lucy had gone to the pantry and so now, she oscillated, slightly nervous, on the sidewalk outside the sweet little bungalow that had been repurposed as a doctor's office. She spied a couple residents on their porch across the way watching her and sighed inwardly. No going back now. Gossip was infectious in this place and there was zero chance of her walking away without Pete finding out that she was avoiding him. She waved at the porch sitters before fixing a bright and friendly smile on her face and heading in to the office.

She was relieved upon entering to see Barb, another resident, sat in the waiting area (Previously a corner of the living room). Lucy smiled a friendly greeting which Barb returned before rolling her eyes and jerking her thumb toward the closed door of Pete's examination room, a gesture which was somehow reproachful yet loving.

"Donald's hurt his back again." She sighed in her thick Polish accent. Barbara and Donald were the eldest members of the community, and had been amongst the first to arrive. They were both in their eighties and had met after the Second World War - Donald had been a GI and Barb had been a member of the Polish Clandestine army. When she had first gone to welcome them to the community, Donald had told her that he called his wife Barb because she was the sharpest tool in any box. Lucy had a feeling that even without the safe zone, they would have survived. She sighed exaggeratedly and rolled her eyes back at the elderly woman.

"He just has to cause trouble, doesn't he?"

Barb giggled and they made small talk until the exam room door opened and Donald hobbled out, followed by Pete. When Pete noticed Lucy, he did a below average job of concealing his annoyance.

"Lucy. What can I do for you?"

Lucy grit her teeth and held up the blank scrap of paper and stubby pencil she'd had to scrabble around to find before coming over "Heard you might be running low on a few things. I'm going out with Aiden later and came to see what you needed."

Pete sniffed and Lucy ignored his eye-roll as he held the door open for Donald and Barbara "Remember what I said, Donald – rest that back and alternate ice and heat for a day or so." Once the door was shut and there was no chance he could be heard, he grumbled peevishly "I told Aiden I would get a list to him when I got a chance."

Lucy smiled brightly through the window and waved the couple off, watching as they moved slowly down the front path before replying to Pete "Well I wanted to make sure we didn't leave without it." She said, trying to ignore how much her jaw hurt when she clenched it like that.

Pete turned his back to her and began rifling through the numerous stacks of paper on the desk. He didn't bother to make idle chit-chat while he did and so Lucy stood in awkward silence, wondering how a family doctor could be so badly organised. Turning back to face her, Pete handed over a scrap of paper that was covered on both sides with a near illegible scrawl.

Lucy squinted at the paper, frowning "Pete, I'm not sure this is totally manageable in one trip – could you perhaps organise the list by what you need the most and then we can review the next time someone goes on a run?" She regretted the words almost as soon as she had spoken them. The temperature in the room dropped ten degrees as Pete's body language went from merely irritable to downright defensive.

"It's _all_ vital equipment, Lucy." He crossed his arms and glared at her "I wouldn't expect you to understand."

Lucy took a deep breath and tried again "I appreciate that it takes a lot of equipment and medication to run a clinic Pete, I just don't think-"

"You don't understand the kind of pressure I'm under here. _None_ of you do," Pete advanced on her "Nobody around here appreciates what it takes to keep all of you healthy." Snatching the paper back from her, he jabbed it so hard with his index finger Lucy thought it might tear a hole "I made this list with the people of Alexandria in mind. Are you telling me that Fiona's heart medication is more important that a nebuliser for when Joe's asthma gets bad?"

Lucy forced herself not to shrink backward under his gaze, instead squaring her shoulders and meeting his eyes "Of course not. That's not what I'm saying at all."

"Right," Pete sneered, shoving the paper back into her hands roughly "You're just saying that I should be able to run this clinic with imaginary medication and equipment."

"Actually, I'm just asking you to prioritise the urgent items over the routine ones – like you would when triaging patients," Lucy said coldly, folding the list up and putting it in her pocket "But don't worry – I can get Denise to help me."

She had turned around and had the door halfway open when Pete's arm reached past her and slammed it shut again. He towered over her, eyes blazing. Now he was this close, Lucy caught the faint smell of alcohol on his breath and noticed that he had missed a patch of stubble with the razor that morning "Let me go, Pete."

He caught her arm and squeezed it painfully hard "Never question my ability to know what my patients _need_ , Lucy."

Lucy wrenched her arm back and reached for the door once more, tired of this game now. Stalking out into the bright sunshine, she refused to look back as she walked down the path, despite feeling Pete's furious gaze on her back even as she reached the end of the street.

She was still shaking with rage by the time she reached Aunt Deanna and Uncle Reg's house. Aiden's van was parked outside and he was making trips back and forth to the house to load it up with things they would need. Lucy was vaguely dismayed to see Nicholas helping him. She was hoping that Aiden's friend would have opted out of going on this turn seeing as it was so soon after they had come back from the last one. She had wanted the chance to talk with Aiden alone, perhaps start to understand the headspace he had been in lately.

"Hey Luce," Aiden called in greeting "Did you talk to Pete?"

Lucy bit back a grimace and nodded, fishing the list from her pocket and waving it at him "He only wants the universe this time." She said sarcastically, handing it over for her cousin to look at.

Aiden quickly scanned the list and shrugged "Well, I guess we're gonna need it after today."

Lucy frowned "Why after today?"

"You didn't hear? Aaron and Eric have been in touch on the radio – they've found a big group of survivors that they're bringing back here."


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

X

Lucy took a deep breath and knocked on the door of the huge house that had been handed over to the newcomers. She was still aching and dirty from a supply run with Aiden and Nicholas that had left her with more questions than answers, but after casting an eye over the videos her aunt had made of the newest residents in Alexandria, she had foregone a shower and simply downed an aspirin with a cup of coffee before heading over to meet them.

The videos had spooked her. If their stories were true, Rick Grimes and his collective from Georgia were impressive to say the least. But there had been something in all of their eyes; a wildness that seemed worryingly unstable. They would die for each other, that much was clear. What was not clear was how many people they were willing to kill for each other.

It took a long while for anyone to answer, and when they did Lucy almost didn't know what to say. She remembered him from the videos - Daryl, was it? Lucy had noted with intrigue his sullen unwillingness to cooperate with even the most minor of requests, preferring to prowl the room like a hunter instead of sitting in the chair her aunt had offered him.

Nothing however, had prepared her for the sheer animalistic energy of his countenance. He was a tall, lithe man, skin weatherbeaten and bronzed from years of sun exposure, his long dark hair hanging in seething blue eyes which glared at her suspiciously. He looked as though he hadn't slept for a year, and Lucy noticed one hand idling near a knife at his belt.

"What d'you want?" His voice was a low growl, like thunder.

Lucy opened and shut her mouth again, all sense of professionalism failing her for a brief moment. It had suddenly hit her that his presence here in Alexandria, where everything was neat and orderly and clean seemed entirely bizarre. It was as surreal as an Ostrich walking into a Starbucks, as incongruous as a single wildflower in the middle of a perfectly manicured lawn. Of course, most of the residents they had taken in had been filthy and a little wild when they arrived, but it seemed to her that no matter how hard he tried, the outdoors would not wash off this man.

She must have been staring because eventually he raised a vaguely irritated eyebrow

"You need help or somethin', lady?"

Lucy felt a blush creeping up her neck and scrambled inwardly to collect herself "Sorry, I- it's just… You're a lot taller than in the videos."

He stared at her as though she had grown an extra head and Lucy, aware of her rapidly reddening cheeks, said hurriedly "I'm Dr Lockett. Mrs Monroe asked me to drop in and make sure you were all OK." Lucy paused before adding gently "She said she thought you all must have had a pretty rough time out there."

He let out a faint snort of laughter which Lucy took to mean 'You don't know the half of it', before turning away and heading back into the house, leaving the door open. Lucy stared at his retreating back for a moment before deciding that this was as good an invitation as she was likely to get and stepped in out of the bright sunshine. She walked gingerly through into the family room where they all sat in silence, still filthy, still with the same look in their eyes she had seen in the videos. Lucy felt a small surge of warmth toward them. How many times had she seen that look in her career? Enough to know what it meant, that was for sure. They were ready to bolt at any moment.

Lucy smiled in what she hoped was a placating way and held up the palms of her hands in a gesture of deferential submission.

"Good morning."

Nobody said anything. Lucy lowered her hands and buried them self-consciously in the pockets of her mud-caked jeans. Looking around the room, her eyes fell on the piles of blankets, pillows and couches that had been shifted from other parts of the house. They had all been sleeping together in one room. Lucy suddenly felt deeply sad for the exhausted and traumatised little group in front of her. She tried again.

"Welcome to Alexandria. I'm Dr Lockett-" suddenly acutely aware of how stiff and unapproachable hat sounded, she corrected herself "-Lucy. I'm Lucy."

She thought for a moment that they would fail to respond once more, until a baby faced man with a terrible haircut sent her a quizzical look."

"... Your name is Lucy Lockett?"

Lucy grinned bashfully "You bet it is. And I lose pockets all the damn time."

The man with the mullet offered her the ghost of a smile before the room settled once more into an uncomfortable silence. Lucy offered them all a small smile.

"I can see that you're not comfortable being apart yet," she said gently, to which none of them responded "But perhaps a little further down the road, when you're a bit more settled, I'd like to offer my services to you all as individuals."

Again, they regarded her in silence, none of them moving except to cast glances at one another.

"You're a Doctor?" Lucy almost jumped in surprise as the teenaged boy stepped forward. She racked her brain to remember his video, having only skimmed through most of them before making her way over. He was called Carl, that much she remembered, and the toddler he was holding in his arms was his baby sister - was it Julie or Judy? Carl was looking at her expectantly, ignoring the glares he was receiving from the rest of the room. Lucy opened her mouth to respond but Carl spoke again before she could.

"Could you take a look at my sister? She has a rash on her shoulder that she keeps scratching-" He held the baby out to her and Lucy reached for the gurgling child without thinking. As she pulled the baby in close, she felt a sudden wave of sadness. The child was not more than eighteen months old - born long after the world had ended. If it was possible, the room bristled further and out of the corner of her eyes she saw more than one hand reach unconsciously for their belt. Swinging the baby onto her hip, she offered Carl a small smile.

"I'm afraid I'm not that sort of Doctor. But we do have a medical facility here that will be made available to all of you." Lucy tried not to grimace as she recalled her last encounter with Pete before the supply run "Would you like me to show you where it is?" She shifted, bouncing the baby a little on her hip and making her laugh "If you like, we could take a tour of Alexandria together. I've been out on a supply run and need to drop a few things off at the infirmary anyway."

"We'll be fine, thanks." Rick Grimes spoke as quietly as he had on the videos. He stepped forward gently and reached out for the infant, his stance a non-negotiable statement - _you will not fuck with me._ As Lucy handed her over, she felt the collective sigh of relief ripple around the room "What sort of Doctor are you if you're not medical?" He asked, and Lucy realised that he kept his voice low because it was not necessary for him to raise it. Glancing around the room, she noted that every other person in it was awaiting his next move. Rick Grimes wasn't just their leader; he was their anchor point in a universe turned on its head.

"I'm an army psychologist. I used to counsel soldiers returning from their tours, amongst other things."

"You think we all need therapy?" Rick's expression was as genial as it was possible to be under the circumstances, but there was still a challenge in his voice. Lucy smiled in a way that she hoped wasn't patronising.

"I understand that you've been through a lot. I just want to let you all know that if you require support, then we can provide that at Alexandria. To all of you." She saw Rick glance quickly at his son before looking back at her.

"No offence lady, but I didn't go in for that touchy-feely bullshit even before the dead rose." A muscular giant of a man with a thick handlebar moustaches spoke from the opposite side of the room where he was leaning against a bookcase, cracking his knuckles and making no effort to hide his displeasure at seeing her.

"And it's certainly not up to me to change your mind," said Lucy pleasantly, although she felt the initial unpleasant prickle of irritation at his words. She needed a shower and her bed. Perhaps it was a mistake to come here without a plan after everything that had happened in the last few days "Just know that I'm here if you need me."

"Thank you," Rick spoke quietly "for the offer."

Lucy nodded and took this as her cue to leave "I'll uh - show myself out." At the door, she turned back "If you want to reach me, just leave a message at Deanna's house and I'll seek you out."

She was halfway down the front steps when Carol, the grey haired woman from the videos caught up with her "Dr Lockett?"

"Please, call me Lucy. Mrs Monroe likes me to introduce myself using the formal 'Doctor' title because it shows that we're running a professional operation, but I prefer to keep things a little more casual."

"Lucy," Carol took a deep shaky breath "I'd like to come and see you sometime. If that's OK, I mean. It just - things got… kinda scary out there." Her lip trembled and Lucy remembered how in her interview, Carol had spoken about becoming a den-mother to a group that was 'nice enough to protect her'. She smiled warmly back at the older woman, who was currently acting at a very high standard, but not well enough to conceal the sweeping hunter's glance she took of the street every few seconds. This was no den-mother.

"Of course, Carol. I'd be delighted. I'll check my diary and make time for you." Lucy stepped onto the sidewalk before turning back as though a thought had just struck her "By the way, I don't know if you're familiar with doctor-patient confidentiality, but the the rule is that you can be whoever you are in my office - not whoever you're pretending to be - and unless I have reason to think you could be dangerous, it will stay between us." She winked and turned away once more, taking a leisurely pace down the street toward Aunt Deanna's house.

X

 _Lucy shifted uncomfortably on the hard uncomfortable back seat of the van. Outside, she could hear the buzzing of cicadas and the faint shambling of one of the infected. She should stop wriggling; it might draw attention. But she was so damn uncomfortable it was hard not to._

 _She was sick of sleeping in the van, less than a foot away from Aiden and Nicholas, both of whom snored like trains. If anything was going to attract the infected it would be that racket. Luckily, only Nicholas was sleeping right now - Aiden had taken first watch for the night and was sitting upfront._

 _Thank God they had agreed to head back to Alexandria in the morning. Lucy thought grimly of the list that Pete had given her, how she had only been able to source two thirds of the stuff on it. He would probably complain to Deanna again. Lucy wasn't worried about him kicking up a fuss; she knew her aunt had the measure of most people. She knew that she shouldn't let a petty little prick like Pete get to her, but all the same, when people were going out and risking their necks to find stuff for him to use and he had the cheek to complain when his order wasn't one hundred percent fulfilled, she had to hold her tongue, stop herself from suggesting that maybe he should go out next time._

 _In the dark. Without a weapon. Wearing a dress made of meat._

 _She must have dozed off at some point, because all of a sudden, the inside of the van had gone quiet. Lucy lay still in the dark with her eyes closed, listening hard for the hushed whispers of a watch changeover. There was nothing. Not even the sounds of other people breathing - a sound she had gotten very used to in the last forty eight hours._

 _Lucy cracked one eye open, willing her eyes to hurry in adjusting to the dark all around her. Slowly she sat up, muscles and joints protesting. She was definitely not young enough to sleep rough any more._

" _Aide?"_

 _No reply._

" _Nicholas? Are you awake?"_

 _Nothing. Lucy groped for her pen torch and cupped her hand around the bulb so as not to create too much light. As she cast the miserly glow over the van, her heart sank as she confirmed what her gut had been telling her the moment she had woken up._

 _That she was alone._

X


End file.
